Where Am I?

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Different seasons in life will present us with the invitation to ask ourselves, "Where am I?"  Am I stagnant, playing it safe on the shore? In spite of feeling that I’ve not moved an inch, am I actually wading hip-deep? Am I on the boat?
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I must admit- my natural posture, by default, is laying in bed.
Ideally, the shades are drawn, my eyes are closed, and my state of consciousness is peacefully meandering between the gardens of “Carefree Nothingness” and a place I call “Adventureland”, where elements of my waking life meet elements of prophecy and, inevitably, a demon or two are cast out.  Some may argue “laziness”, but I call it “leisure” and this is- hands down- my favorite state of being.

But, if something vital needs to be tended to, no matter how much internal hemming and hawing I’m doing while actively deciding that I don’t feel like doing anything productive, something strange comes over me.   Eventually my eyes open during a hem-haw and I realize my desk is being organized; my shoes are moving from their usual place of gathering near the front door to their home in my closet; or, my website is being updated- and all of the things I’ve written recently that need to be shared are being typed into my blog, (which has also now, somehow, been updated), all by my own hand.

Granted, as much as I enjoy resting in a dream state, the true desire of my heart is a clean, organized home and easy-to-navigate blog, but how does this happen? How is it that, though my every want is to not do any of it, desire wins?

One simple answer: desire wins.

Desire wins.
The heart wants what it wants. And there is nothing and no one that can change that. Except for God. And even He, over the course of history, hasn’t changed the hearts of many individuals without them reaching out to Him for help in some fashion. And when we do ask for help, no matter the situation, no matter how it’s dressed, it’s always to satisfy one thing: desire. Our desire to love and be loved, our desire to help and be helped, to live and let live- abundantly.

If I’m being honest (as I most always am), my own desire has drawn me into some questionable situations. And at points over the course of my life journey, circumstances were straight rotten. But God replaced the self-serving desires of my heart- the desires that were once formed by jagged safe-guards from trauma in order to prevent more pain, with God-serving desires; the desire for more of Him and more of His plan for my life to take place. I asked for help and surrendered it all to Him.

When we surrender our lives to Him, I’ve found it’s tougher to stay on the shore than it is to start wading into uncharted territory. The desire becomes less about comfort and more about adventure. Less about self-preservation and more about how we can partner with Him in building the Kingdom.

My desire is to be all He has created me to be and to do all that He has created me to do. The identity He designed for me is woven into every fiber of my being and even my flesh, though at times it may try, cannot overpower the desire planted in my heart. And so, though I “don’t wanna”, I fold the laundry and put it away; I write my ponderings and post them for the world to see.

As He takes us from glory to glory, I wonder- do we ever actually make it to the boat during our time here? Perhaps we plop down on donuts and unicorn blowups at points along the way-- those seasons after a marathon when what we really need is rest- but, perhaps "the boat" is simply a mirage, a representation of our heavenly inheritance; a place we'll continue to look to for encouragement and motivation but not actually  reach until our ultimate spiritual graduation day arrives. 

At points along the journey it feels like the water has rushed up to my eyeballs; (the only way to breathe is to tilt the head back and pray) and sometimes it just barely sweeps the ankle.  But there's a happy medium I've discovered. It's neither easy nor insanely difficult, but it's challenging- and tiring and exciting and a real full body workout: Wading hip-deep. Strong waves will come and as we press forward toward that goal, we hold tightly to that immovable Anchor of our soul; the Anchor powered by Love for Love, steadying the one who dare wade past the comfort zone into uncharted waters.

How do you know where you are?
Take a look at your life today. When's the last time you did something that challenged your strength, your beliefs about others, your beliefs about God, your beliefs about yourself? When's the last time you did something that you felt you needed to do but were too afraid of the outcome- unknown or forseeable? When's the last time you stepped-out and put yourself in an uncomfortable position in order to receive the answer to some things you've been praying for?
If "a long time", "never", or "I can't remember" is your answer to any of those questions, it may be time to step into deeper waters.